We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
