I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
