If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
