just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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