Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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