I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
