'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
