Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
