Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
