All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
