i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You are a genius and a whore.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
