I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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