ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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