she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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