Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
