During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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