does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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