i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
