Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
