honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
