It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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