Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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