Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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