you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
