i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
