We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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