Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
