I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
