I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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