Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
