just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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