the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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