so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
