Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
