tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
