Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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