Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize