It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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