I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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