No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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