i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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