this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
