Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
