You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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