I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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