yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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