so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
