Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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