Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
