i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
