We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
