Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
