We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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