ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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