She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
