look no pants
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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