You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
