I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
