i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
