I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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