You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
