The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
