I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
