I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
