hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
