just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
